I just went back and reread this post from when we first announced that we were expecting Lila.
I have tears in my eyes thinking back on how much I struggled emotionally at the beginning of her pregnancy. I feel so GUILTY! If I could go back in time, I would show myself a video of this infinitely sweet little girl sucking her thumb (with one finger always hooked over top!) and laughing at the silly noises I make. Back then, I couldn’t see past the next day. I couldn’t imagine what could be. Even if I had tried to imagine, I would not have been able to dream up such an amazing baby. Everyone told me that even though it felt like there would not be enough space in my heart for another baby, to just wait. “You’ll see!” they said.
They were right.
I look into those big brown eyes and feel such a strong love that it is breathtaking. She leans into me, sucks her thumb, and I brush her soft, sweet hair out of her eyes, and kiss the top of her fluffy little head. She melts me.
I don’t know if I’ll ever share the words of these blog posts with my girls. I’ve written so candidly that I’m afraid that they won’t understand. That they will question my love for them.
But it is *because* of my love for them that I write.
One day, many years from now, Lila might be feeling that same anxiety, the same fears about opening up her heart another time for another child. Wondering if she has what it takes.
And I’ll be there to say, “Yes, you do.”
And I’ll be right.
(Aren’t moms always right?)
Lila’s 12 Month Time Capsule (photos very randomly thrown in here! haha)
-Lila’s ‘talking’ has begun to sound very much like that Swedish Chef muppet. I cannot duplicate it and it’s 100% adorable.
-Although Lila has not started walking (or standing!) yet, she absolutely LOVES climbing stairs. She gets really excited to go up the stairs right next to her big sis. I’m not worried about her lack of walking. She has proven time and again that she will do things when she is good and ready to. And I am in NO RUSH to be chasing her around as she gets into everything.
-Usually, Lila is very even-keeled but lately she has started to show a bit of a jealous streak. If mommy is holding Charlotte, she wants to be held too! I feel like a rock star, but Daddy feels kind of left out. I know it won’t be long before they hate my guts and worship him instead so I am enjoying it for now.
-I love watching Lila delicately use her fingers to grasp small objects. She really has a knack for fine motor activities!
-Lila’s new obsession is her banana tooth brush given to her by a dear, sweet friend in a basket full of yellow sunshiny things. She screams and cries when we try to take it away.
-As I’ve mentioned repeatedly, Lila’s thumb sucking really tugs at my heartstrings. It’s such a sweet act and I love snuggling with her when she sucks on her sweet little thumb. The only downside for now is that she gets a pretty gnarly drool rash from constantly spreading slobber all over her chin, lips, and nose. Also, since she HATES having her nails clipped, she can often be found with little scratches on her nose as a result of the little finger hook she does while thumb sucking.
-Lila had her first Easter this month. She got bath toys, baby food, and sippy cups from the Easter Bunny and looked so sweet all dressed up for church and Easter brunch!
-On Lila’s first birthday (March 23rd), we went to visit the cherry blossoms in DC and had an idyllic kind of day, playing outside and taking in the sights. Later that day, we had a cake smash for her. Let me tell you, this girl WENT TO TOWN! We were sure she was going to be sick from eating so much cake, but she handled it just fine and was very mad at us from taking the (pulverized, smashed to bits) cake away from her at the end.
-Finally, we celebrated her birthday that weekend with a small family/friends party with a ladybug theme. It was super sweet and we all had a great time 🙂 (Side note: although I am a professional photographer I am comically bad at taking party photos when it is my own family. I always feel really weird getting my huge camera out and feel like it gets in the way! I would much rather just sit back and enjoy the party. I need to start hiring someone!!)
I feel a little bad that I am posting this sooooo late, but both of the girls (along with the rest of life!) have kept us pretty busy lately. That’s the way it goes sometimes!
Kisses to my sweet baby girl in honor of her first birthday! Mommy and Daddy love you so much!