Hudson’s Birth Story & His 1st and 2nd Month Time Capsules

April 27, 2017-3

Here I am at a Starbucks in June.

It’s strangely quiet in here due to a busted sound system and as I type, the only sound is the click of my keys and the occasional whir from the barista making a frappacino for the next drive-thru customer.

In other words, it is pretty much silent and, therefore, music to my ears.

You see, I just left a two bedroom, one bathroom apartment filled with noisy window air conditioners, three tiny people (all of whom were screaming at some point in the last half hour), two dogs, and a husband watching MTV’s “The Challenge:  Champs vs. Pros” on full-blast.

Silence is golden.

I’m here to write.  As fast as my little fingers can type before Starbucks closes at 9:30 and I have to re-enter the noise.

There was a time when silence was awful.  It was the sound of grief, of losing a child, of an empty home and empty arms.

Now, I crave silence.  The moments of quiet where I can recharge my frazzled self and regroup.

I used to feel guilty about that.  About needing a break from the little miracles that were bestowed upon us after Callie died.  I had prayed and longed for children more than anything.  What I wouldn’t have given to have that chaos in my life.

But after my third rainbow baby, our sweet little Hudson, that guilt is gone.

As a ‘seasoned’ mom, I know now that guilt has absolutely no place in my life.  That grief-filled silence only made more room in my world for the noise.  It grew my patience, super-charged my batteries, and prepped me to embrace the hot little messes that were to come.

BUT

 

I’m human, nothing more.  And so, I need quiet now.  And I am grateful for both the noise that means I am so blessed with children and also the peaceful moments that I need like air to fill me back up and make me the mom I aspire to be.

I say this all as a preface to the introduction of our sweet Hudson to this little blog.  I had the best of plans and intentions.  I wanted to write poignant words about his birth and his first month, and now his second, just like I’d done for his big sisters before him.

But it didn’t really go like that.

Instead, it’s been very noisy.  Both literally and figuratively.

Hudson’s birth story is a simple, yet still sweet one.  Nothing dramatic or crazy.  He came on the date he was scheduled to come (despite my desperate wish that he would come early to ease my discomfort) and gave us absolutely no trouble during his birth.  Although he was breech like his big sister, Lila, the entire pregnancy, Hudson surprised us right before he was born during his c-section when the doctor let us know that he had flipped head down at some point since the last sonogram a week or two prior.

April 25, 2017-6April 25, 2017-4April 25, 2017-21April 25, 2017-22When they pulled him from the womb, he cried right away.  A sweet little cry that definitely sounded more ‘boy’ than his sisters had.  (Isn’t that funny how boys can sound different even from birth?)  He was 7 lb, 7 oz., a lucky birthweight and our biggest baby so far.  His sisters got to meet him soon after birth and were a little shy/freaked out about it but soon grew to absolutely dote on him.  We were so lucky to have our favorite nurse, Cindy, there once more for the birth of our last little rainbow.  It is crazy to me that the ONLY times we have seen her have been on our very worst and very best days of our lives.

That first day and a half were pretty magical and special.  They were filled with a calm, sweet peace that I think was heaven sent from our guardian angel.

And then day two struck.

And boy did Hudson let us have it.  He cried and cried and cried some more.  Second day syndrome, the nurses called it.  That time when babies want MILK and moms haven’t gotten any in yet and so babies are PISSED OFF about it.

Yeah, Hudson was hangry as hell for about 24 hours and we barely made it through that little spell with our sanity.

Days 3-7 were back to being pretty nice.  Big sisters, Charlotte and Lila, gave us some trouble as they adjusted to the new baby but all-in-all everything was all good and we couldn’t believe that we had a little baby BOY to call our very own.

So of course, we had to go and mess with that nice little thing we had going.

I don’t want to bore people with the ins and outs of the big fat pickle we got ourselves into (and I’ve shared a lot about it on social media already), but the short story is that after house hunting for a single family home for several years, we were going to take a little break for a bit after Hudson was born…  until we saw a house we thought could be THE ONE.

We went under contract on “THE ONE”, sold our townhouse, only to find later that the new home was not what it seemed and we decided to walk away after an alarming inspection that couldn’t be resolved with the seller.  I cannot tell you how stressful it was to be recovering from a c-section, attempting to calm a suddenly very fussy newborn baby, trying to keep a home clean with three kids and two big hairy dogs, having to pack up and leave the house all the time to show the home, and then to pack it all up and move, not knowing where we were going next!  To top it off, it was the end of the school year which is the busiest time for John so it was stress, on top of stress, on top of stress. There were a lot more micro-dramas that occurred (including a pipe leak!), but I have already mentally moved on and do not want to even go there ever again. Eventually we decided to purchase a new construction home (ready in October!) and we have now settled in to an apartment (a little bitty one!!) temporarily until it is complete.

The chaos that all of this created filled every moment with noisy turmoil and very nearly drove me right over the edge.  I was frazzled and worn completely down, fighting to stay positive in the middle of so much yuck.  John and I bumped heads and were grumpy with each other and I didn’t love the mom I was being to the kids.  There was no down time, no regrouping, nothing but pushing forward, putting out fire after fire.

I hate admitting to all of these feelings after the birth of our sweet little Hudson, but that’s what I was doing… just getting by.  Day by day, minute by minute.

I had a completely different, very glossy version of this post written because I felt a little guilty writing about this time in our lives in an honest way.  I don’t want Hudson to think I was unhappy about having him.  That couldn’t be further from the truth!!  But, as he will learn one day, being a parent is hard and sometimes babies are colicky and sometimes you try your hardest to make the best decisions for your family and things don’t go like you planned.  And you just have to get through it the best you can.  In the end, I erased the glossy version and started over because it want to remember this just the way it is, even if it isn’t picture perfect.

God has a plan for us, I just know it.  I questioned what and WHY, WHY, WHY many times, but I do know there is a plan.  I read on the internet once (so of course it’s true!) that cardinals are signs from lost loved ones in heaven.  I can’t tell you how many times I saw cardinals at different moments along this journey and I truly believe it was Callie checking in and showing us our path (even though it wasn’t a fun one).  Right up until the last moments in our townhouse…

…I had spent the day cleaning it out with my mom and Hudson wrapped tightly to my chest.  At some point while I mopped our empty living room I realized how quiet it was and stopped.  The enormity of the fact that we were leaving this place, our first home, finally hit.  Those walls had seen our happiest and worst moments.  We crossed the threshold as a married couple, brought home a second puppy, and happily built a nursery for Callie in our earliest years there.  When we came home without her, we closed the door to her room and sobbed.  Slowly, I learned the way that light spilled in loudly into some rooms and softly into others as I studied photography under that roof, healing my grieving heart.  Shortly after that, our home was filled with cries of newborn Charlotte, and then Lila, and so very recently, Hudson, whose nursery we had *just* finished.  Those walls had heard so much.  Laughter.  Weeping.  And everything in between.

And there I was, in the center of that quiet home, mopping it up for someone else.  A new family, that would make new memories there.  A tear or two slipped down my cheek, but then the moment was gone, because I knew that one of the greatest lessons God had been trying to teach John and I through this all is that “home” has very little to do with your physical surroundings and shelter and much more to do with the people inside of it.

As we drove away that afternoon, I turned back to take one more picture of our family in front of that red door.  At the end of the street, there in one of the small, scrubby trees that the builders plopped in front of the townhouses in our neighborhood, was a bright, red cardinal.

And wouldn’t you know it…

..the cardinal flew from tree to tree, following us up the street until we got to our house and then flew away.

It wasn’t our house anymore.  Our “home” was right there in the bodies of the squiggly, noisy family of crazy people sitting on the front stoop trying to take one last selfie.

IMG_3449Hudson, buddy, I’m so sorry that your birth story is all tangled up with this stuff but that’s just how it is.  I wanted to write you the fairy tale version, but if there is one thing you need to know about your mommy, it is that I can never be anything but real with you.  You will hate that I think sometimes (maybe lots of times), but I hope that you also love it too.  If you read this one day, I want you to know that the best part of this crazy time in our lives was you.  Even though you fussed and cried and kept us up at night, it was you.  And would I do it all over again?

Yes, without reservation.  Because of you and because good things are in store for us, cutie pie.  This is just the crazy beginning to something crazy wonderful.  I thank God for you and your sisters and Daddy and our doggies and all the noise you bring to my life.

So, with all of that being said, I will end this with a few nuggets about your first and second months and I promise that from here on out, I will do my very best to do your time capsules on time.  (Just help me out with that by giving your mommy some nice long naps every once in awhile, ok bud?)

May 25, 2017-3.jpgHudson’s One Month Time Capsule:

We can’t forget that, this month:

  • We called you our little ‘squeaky wheel’ because every time you eat, you make a squeaky noise VERY LOUDLY.  The doctors say you have something called laryngomalacia, which is completely harmless and will go away with time.  It is certainly hard to be inconspicuous while nursing you!  One day you won’t make this little squeak anymore and we will be sad that you have grown up so much!
  • Sorry to tell you bud, but this month you got your first zits.  (or so we thought!)
  • You LOVE to be held and rocked and one of your favorite things to do is to be worn in a carrier by mommy.
  • You had your first coo and smile on May 22nd!  You have no idea how much joy you brought your tired mommy on that day!  You have given us sweet smiles, with the hint of cute dimples, every day since then (in between all the fussing! What’s that all about?!?)
  • Your sisters love you so much and each took their first turns holding you in this first month.

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June 25, 2017-2Hudson’s Two Month Time Capsule:

  • Uh-oh, turns out that baby acne was actually a very severe case of facial seborrhea (cradle cap).  Your rash got kind of scary looking for a little while and mommy worried and worried about you.  To treat it, we rubbed coconut oil on your face in circles every night.  You smelled like a little macaroon!  It cleared up significantly after that but we are still at it!IMG_3352
  • It was during this month that we packed up your sweet nursery and moved into the apartment.  Now that we are here, we are having a great time and we are finally getting to settle down and focus on fun things.  I know you won’t remember this place, but I think your mommy and daddy will look back fondly at it one day!2017_06_Cornely_81.jpg
  • Every night around 5:30, you have a ‘witching hour’ where you like to cry and give Mommy and Daddy a hard time for no good reason.  Most of the time, Daddy will walk you around the apartment until you settle down.June 22, 2017.jpg
  • You love your swing, hate the car, and like sucking on a paci but have trouble keeping it in your cute little mouth sometimes.
  • The smiles continued this month!  We love ‘talking’ with you with your sweet coos.  You smile especially big when we sing to you.June 25, 2017
  • The biggest smiles come for your big sisters though.  Lila loves to talk about you and Charlotte smothers you with love (almost literally).  When she tries to make you smile, her voice goes up about 200 octaves and turns syrupy sweet!

Hudson, we love you to the moon and back.  We can’t wait to see what your third month has in store for you!

 

 

 

 

Lila Faith: One Year Old Time Capsule!!!

March 24, 2016

 

I just went back and reread this post from when we first announced that we were expecting Lila.

Ouch.

I have tears in my eyes thinking back on how much I struggled emotionally at the beginning of her pregnancy.  I feel so GUILTY!  If I could go back in time, I would show myself a video of this infinitely sweet little girl sucking her thumb (with one finger always hooked over top!) and laughing at the silly noises I make.  Back then, I couldn’t see past the next day.  I couldn’t imagine what could be.  Even if I had tried to imagine, I would not have been able to dream up such an amazing baby.  Everyone told me that even though it felt like there would not be enough space in my heart for another baby, to just wait.  “You’ll see!” they said.

They were right.  

I look into those big brown eyes and feel such a strong love that it is breathtaking.  She leans into me, sucks her thumb, and I brush her soft, sweet hair out of her eyes, and kiss the top of her fluffy little head.  She melts me.

I don’t know if I’ll ever share the words of these blog posts with my girls.  I’ve written so candidly that I’m afraid that they won’t understand.  That they will question my love for them.

But it is *because* of my love for them that I write.

One day, many years from now, Lila might be feeling that same anxiety, the same fears about opening up her heart another time for another child.  Wondering if she has what it takes.

And I’ll be there to say, “Yes, you do.”

And I’ll be right.

(Aren’t moms always right?)

March 09, 2016-2

March 09, 2016

 

Lila’s 12 Month Time Capsule (photos very randomly thrown in here! haha)

-Lila’s ‘talking’ has begun to sound very much like that Swedish Chef muppet.  I cannot duplicate it and it’s 100% adorable.

-Although Lila has not started walking (or standing!) yet, she absolutely LOVES climbing stairs.  She gets really excited to go up the stairs right next to her big sis.  I’m not worried about her lack of walking.  She has proven time and again that she will do things when she is good and ready to.  And I am in NO RUSH to be chasing her around as she gets into everything.

March 23, 2016-2

March 23, 2016

-Usually, Lila is very even-keeled but lately she has started to show a bit of a jealous streak.  If mommy is holding Charlotte, she wants to be held too!  I feel like a rock star, but Daddy feels kind of left out.  I know it won’t be long before they hate my guts and worship him instead so I am enjoying it for now.

March 19, 2016

-I love watching Lila delicately use her fingers to grasp small objects.  She really has a knack for fine motor activities!

March 22, 2016

 

-Lila’s new obsession is her banana tooth brush given to her by a dear, sweet friend in a basket full of yellow sunshiny things.  She screams and cries when we try to take it away.

March 12, 2016

-As I’ve mentioned repeatedly, Lila’s thumb sucking really tugs at my heartstrings.  It’s such a sweet act and I love snuggling with her when she sucks on her sweet little thumb.  The only downside for now is that she gets a pretty gnarly drool rash from constantly spreading slobber all over her chin, lips, and nose.  Also, since she HATES having her nails clipped, she can often be found with little scratches on her nose as a result of the little finger hook she does while thumb sucking.March 02, 2016

-Lila had her first Easter this month.  She got bath toys, baby food, and sippy cups from the Easter Bunny and looked so sweet all dressed up for church and Easter brunch!

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-On Lila’s first birthday (March 23rd), we went to visit the cherry blossoms in DC and had an idyllic kind of day, playing outside and taking in the sights.  Later that day, we had a cake smash for her.  Let me tell you, this girl WENT TO TOWN!  We were sure she was going to be sick from eating so much cake, but she handled it just fine and was very mad at us from taking the (pulverized, smashed to bits) cake away from her at the end.

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-Finally, we celebrated her birthday that weekend with a small family/friends party with a ladybug theme.  It was super sweet and we all had a great time 🙂  (Side note: although I am a professional photographer I am comically bad at taking party photos when it is my own family.  I always feel really weird getting my huge camera out and feel like it gets in the way!  I would much rather just sit back and enjoy the party.  I need to start hiring someone!!)

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I feel a little bad that I am posting this sooooo late, but both of the girls (along with the rest of life!) have kept us pretty busy lately.  That’s the way it goes sometimes!

Kisses to my sweet baby girl in honor of her first birthday!  Mommy and Daddy love you so much!

Lilas first year

 

Lila Faith: 1 Month Time Capsule

one month

How is this little sweetie pie one month old already?  It has been so fun getting to know this new little one that we have been so blessed with.  Her first few weeks were quiet ones, where she only cried when she was hungry or needed a diaper change.  The most noise actually came from her big sis as she adjusted to all the commotion that a new baby brings.  Now, the tables have turned… Charlotte has settled into the new routines and loves checking on her baby sister while Lila has grown a little uncomfortable with bouts of reflux 😦  Poor baby!  She is so very sweet and we just love her to pieces!

April 27, 2015-3

Memories for Lila’s 1 Month Time Capsule:

-First smile:  I know they say that babies don’t have a social smile until 6-8 weeks, but little Lila has given us several sweet smiles that are definitely not reflexes or gassy 😉  Her big sister gave us early smiles too!  It’s so fun to see her little grin in response to my goofiness.

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-Lila makes the sweetest little noises when she’s cuddling with us.  She sounds like a little baby chipmunk 🙂

-She loves to snuggle and be held.  Sweet baby snuggles are the best!

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-This girl is a pooping machine!  Lila might not like me documenting this one, but it’s kind of our running joke.  She sneezes and poops.  Smiles and poops.  Eats and poops.  Pampers is going to make a fortune off of us!

-Her spiky hair.  When her hair is freshly washed, it sticks straight out in all directions and then eventually settles into a faux-hawk that is super trendy 😉

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-Lila LOVES her swing.  She loves to take little catnaps in the swing when Mommy’s hands are full.  Charlotte hated the swing, so this is new for us!

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It’s so fun finding out all the things that make Lila her own little person.  We can’t wait to see what the next month brings!

Lila Faith: A Birth Story

You guys, Wilburta is here!!  Except her name isn’t Wilburta…

…it’s Lila Faith.

March 26, 2015_lilas_birth

And as one would expect from this pregnancy, Lila came into the world on her own terms.

We had recently heard good news about Lila’s growth.  However, after a later biophysical profile showed that my amniotic fluid was once again on the low side, we decided it was best that I start my maternity leave a little ahead of my scheduled c-section so I could rest and attend the last few doctor appointments before the big day.

On the morning of Monday, March 23rd, we sent Charlotte to daycare and I took advantage of the time to myself to take a long shower, use the hairdryer that had been collecting dust in my bathroom, and do my hair and makeup.  This is going to sound so shallow, but I wanted to practice curling my hair- like a teenager!- to see how long it would take me.  We were the incredibly fortunate recipients of a hospital photography session (I’ll be sure to share!!) and I thought maybe, just maybe, I would try actually doing my hair.  Yes, 48 hours after birth- HA HA HA HA!  I must have been delusional!  Anyway…

As I swiped on some mascara, I looked up at Lila’s ultrasound taped to our bathroom mirror and the word ‘Believe’ written in lipstick.  I had to smile.  When I originally stuck the ultrasound on the mirror, we were so afraid and so worried about this baby girl.  She had come so far, surprising us all, and it would only be a few more days until we got to see her cute little face.  I couldn’t wait to hear how much she would actually weigh at birth.

38 weeks

The morning of Lila’s birth…totally clueless how my day would end!

Our bags were semi-packed, but I didn’t bother to put my toiletries into the hospital bag before leaving for my doctor appointment because I thought the biophysical profile would go just fine like the others.  I had a list of last minute to-do’s and another doctor appointment to attend that afternoon, but I guess Lila had a different plan that day!

At the maternal fetal specialist, the ultrasound technician checked Lila out, told me all looked well, and sent for the doctor to review everything.  As he reviewed the notes, he started to talk about how everything looked good and how we would proceed as planned with our c-section on Thursday, March 26th but then when he took a look at Lila himself he got drastically different measurements for her fluid levels.  After taking them several times, based on his measurements, he did not feel comfortable with allowing me to wait a few more days and sent me straight to the hospital for delivery.

I felt a little nervous about suddenly having to deliver our little one in a matter of a few hours and felt a bit unprepared even though we had been warned of this possibility continually throughout the pregnancy.  I texted John and said, “Don’t freak out, but I have to go straight to the hospital.  Today’s the day.“, which of course is exactly what you say when you want to freak someone out.  😉 He rushed out of a meeting, grabbed our half-packed hospital bags and met me at the hospital right as I was arriving.

It was a long afternoon of hurry-up and wait but eventually we headed down the hall to the OR and once again, I felt Callie’s calming presence with us there.  I remember asking if they had started yet and they all laughed and said, “Yep! He’s almost to your uterus!” which is just crazy to me because I could not feel a single thing.

Before I knew it, little Lila Faith was out and was carried to the warming station.  She took a few seconds to give a cry which made me so nervous as I asked, “Is she ok?  Is she ok?” but she was!  She gave little bitty kitten cries and was folded completely in half like a taco, with her feet up by her head since she was frank breech for the entire second half of the pregnancy.  Lila will definitely be skilled at the sit-and-reach in PE one day!  After what seemed like an eternity, they finally put her on the scale for the moment of truth…

5 lb. 14 oz.!!!

March 23, 2015_lilas_birth-9

She was a peanut for sure, but she was a perfectly healthy little peanut.  Technically, anything under 5lb. 8oz. is considered low birth weight so after all the worrying and waiting and praying, Lila came into the world squeaking by as a ‘normal’ sized baby, officially out of the ‘runt’ status that had earned her the nickname Wilburta.  And wouldn’t you know it?  There was a picture of a sunshine and a rainbow right there on the monitor of the scale shining over her weight like a little wink from God.

March 23, 2015_lilas_birth-14

A while back, I made some predictions about Lila:

  • “Wilburta” is FINE and because of our history and her little lag in growth back in December they have decided to watch us like a hawk to make sure she doesn’t become NOT FINE.  Which she won’t, because she is FINE!
  • “Wilburta” will be born on her scheduled C-section date.
  • She will be between 6-7 pounds.
  • She will be healthy and perfect in every way.

Ok, so I was wrong about a few of them- but not by much!  She was born three days before her scheduled C-section date at 38 weeks and 1 day and she missed the 6 pound mark by 2 ounces.  Not bad, not bad at all.

As with Charlotte’s birth, we had an amazing nurse who let me breastfeed Lila right there on the operating table and I cried as I watched this teeny little bundle of perfection hungrily nurse.  While pregnant with Lila, we just tried to get from one appointment to the next.  We never really got to think much about what it would be like when she was finally here.  Once she arrived, the relief of having her safely in our arms was so satisfying and fulfilling.  She was a dream realized and a prayer (or millions of prayers!) answered.  It felt so good to do all the little joyful acts of being her mommy and daddy…finally!

March 23, 2015_lilas_birth-19March 23, 2015_lilas_birth-22March 23, 2015_lilas_birth-25March 23, 2015_lilas_birth-27March 23, 2015_lilas_birth-28

Once again, we were surrounded in the hospital by the most amazing nurses, many of whom had been there with us with Callie, and then again with Charlotte.  I am so thankful for their loving care of us, especially to Nurse Cindy again…our special earth angel.  Our family and friends were there to help us celebrate with another rainbow party for our second rainbow girl.  Watching Charlotte meet her baby sister for the first time was such a surreal moment.  All of a sudden, Charlotte seemed so grown up and big!  She was a little freaked out by all the commotion, but with time she is coming around to the idea of having a baby sister.  😉

March 23, 2015_lilas_birth-35

With the roller coaster that we have been on throughout this pregnancy, I fully expected Lila to be a total handful, but she has surprised me with how easy-going she is.  She is totally like “What was all the fuss about guys?” just like I hoped she would be.

March 30, 2015_lilas_birth-4

Thank you for following along in our journey and for all of your support and prayers.  We are so thrilled and relieved to be able to hold Lila Faith safely in our arms and to grow our family once more.

Blessed doesn’t even begin to describe it.

36 Weeks Update

March 02, 2015-5

36 weeks!  There was a time that I didn’t think we would make it this far.  I’m in awe of how quickly time has gone by, while still seeming to creep at a snail’s pace at the same time.  How is that possible?

Since my last post, we had a great measurement appointment at 33 weeks- ‘Wilburta‘ climbed up to the 30th percentile in overall weight!  I remember feeling like that was pretty darn huge compared to all of our other visits.  But on Wednesday at our 35 weeks measurement check, however, her growth had slowed quite a bit.  She dropped down to the 16th percentile with an abdominal circumference of less than 2%.  Since she had still managed to grow a bit though, she was given the green light to stay put for a little while longer.  The doctor said this slow down in growth may be an indicator that the end of her stay inside my tummy may be drawing very near.

So, just enough good news to keep marching forward…just enough drama to scare us half to death.

To be honest, now that we are at this point in the pregnancy I’m not scared of her being born a little early.  We’re only a week away from what is considered full-term and the doctors have reassured us that she will do very well if she were born this very day.

What is really scaring me, however, is her staying inside of me.  This may sound backwards, but I just want her out.  If something about my body or placenta isn’t giving her what she needs to grow adequately, I am really frightened that something bad will happen in between my appointments and that I won’t know- or be able to do anything about it.  I can remember feeling this way with Charlotte too, even though she never gave us any reasons to be worried.  It was just a natural consequence of losing Callie and meeting so many other women who have lost a child and hearing their stories of stillbirth.

There is a certain fear that I have held about pregnancy in the third trimester as a result ever since- this feeling like I am a walking death trap for my baby.  If you haven’t been there then you are probably scratching your head on that one, but I know damn well that the women who have been there know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.  It’s not fun.  It’s not cute.  It’s all business.

I miss that innocence of feeling with all certainty, without question, that my body is a safe haven for my baby.

We are scheduled to have a C-section at 38.5 weeks on March 26th.  That is less than 3 weeks away!  We could use all your prayers and positive energy that our baby continues to grow until that date.  I’d also really appreciate prayers that if for some reason she stops thriving that we will know right away and be able to get her safely into our arms.  Lastly, please pray that God takes away our anxiety and replaces it with peace in our hearts.  We’ve been busily preparing for this little one’s arrival and trying to have fun with it.

And that’s what we’ll continue to do!

 

28 Weeks! Another Update…

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28 Weeks!!  Woot wooooooooot!!  We are in the third trimester 🙂  So happy and thankful to be here.

Since my last post we have had another measurement check on little Wilbur.  She continued to grow, making what the doctor described as “adequate” growth.  There was a very slight slide in her percentile, but she remained the same number of days behind.  He was happy with the fact that she was continuing to grow and make progress.  However, one of her measurements slid below the tenth percentile so we are now having to make weekly visits to the maternal fetal specialists.  We will alternate weeks between biophysical profiles (BPP) on the baby to check on her well-being and measurement checks.  Today will be the first BPP and I have no doubt that it will go well…she’s an active, strong little thing.  The next measurement check will be next week.

All of the doctor appointments can be a little tiring, but we know she is being closely monitored and that can only be a good thing!  The doctor seemed a lot more optimistic about her getting to full term last week so that was really encouraging.

We just have to keep on doing what we are doing and staying positive!

Thanks to everyone again for all the messages and for checking in on us 🙂

Wilbur

25weeks-2John has been re-reading Charlotte’s Web and has taken to reading it aloud to Baby #3 lately.  We have obviously always loved the book and decorated Charlotte’s nursery with a Charlotte’s Web theme when she was born.  Charlotte, the spider, is a loyal friend- brave, intelligent, and selfless.  It wasn’t until John started reading the book again to our littlest rainbow that I realized how special Wilbur is too.

Wilbur the pig is the runt of the litter.  The farmer’s daughter, Fern, saves him from being killed because he is “small and weak” and “will never amount to anything”.  With some mothering love, Fern nurses him into being a strong, healthy pig who then has to worry about becoming the Christmas ham for his new family.  You can’t help but fall in love with Wilbur.  He is innocent, sweet, polite, and cheerful.  He loves unconditionally.  The author mentions numerous times how Fern, and his new friend, Charlotte, look upon him with utmost affection.

You probably know how the story goes… Charlotte begins writing words in her web as a way to show Wilbur’s humans that he is an extraordinary pig, one worth saving.  When John read the following quote the other night, I couldn’t help but make connections to our own lives right now:

“Have you heard about the words that appeared in the spider’s web?” asked Mrs. Arable nervously.

“Yes,” replied the doctor.[..]

“Do you understand how there could be any writing in a spider’s web?”

“Oh, no,” said Dr. Dorian.  “I don’t understand it.  But for that matter I don’t understand how a spider learned to spin a web in the first place.  When the words appeared, everyone said they were a miracle.  But nobody pointed out that the web itself is a miracle.

“What’s miraculous about a spider’s web?” said Mrs. Arable. “I don’t see why you say a web is a miracle- it’s just a web.”

“Ever try to spin one?” asked Dr. Dorian.

Mrs. Arable shifted uneasily in her chair.  “No,” she replied.  “But I can crochet a doily and I can knit a sock.”

“Sure,” said the doctor.  “But somebody taught you, didn’t they?”

“My mother taught me.”

“Well, who taught a spider?  A young spider knows how to spin a web without any instructions from anybody.  Don’t you regard that as a miracle?”

“I suppose so,” said Mrs. Arable.  “I never looked at it that way before.  Still, I don’t understand how those words got into the web.  I don’t understand it, and I don’t like what I can’t understand.”

“None of us do,” said Dr. Dorian, sighing.  “I’m a doctor.  Doctors are supposed to understand everything.  But I don’t understand everything, and I don’t intend to let it worry me.

Sometimes you don’t realize how miraculous the smallest, ordinary things are around you until something big happens.  I’ve been praying for a miracle -that we will hear at our next appointment that everything is just fine- but I’ve missed the miracle right in front of me.  Baby #3, our runt, our Wilbur.  She is a miracle already.  So is Charlotte.  So is everything else that is gloriously ordinary in our lives.  We don’t really like hearing worrisome news at doctor’s appointments and we like it even less that we can’t understand it.  But I’m going to do my best to stop trying to understand it, and I’m trying to not let it worry me.

Today at church, our pastor talked about Mary and how she was struck with fear when the angel told her that she would become Jesus’ mother in Luke 1: 26-38.  Despite this fear, the implications her pregnancy would have, and the multitude of questions she must have had running through her mind, she gave herself over to God completely and allowed herself to be his servant.  What a gift she gave to God and what a gift He gave to her and to the world!  She did not understand.  She didn’t know what to expect.  But she trusted God and found peace in that.  And look at where that trust led.

After watching the lighting of the candles on the advent wreath- faith, hope, love, and joy- and listening to these words, I felt strengthened and peaceful.  Like Dr. Dorian mentioned in Charlotte’s Web, I don’t know everything but it gives me great peace that I don’t have to.  It’s in God’s hands.

Thank you so much for praying for our “Wilbur” 😉  We have been so comforted by your messages of support.  We are so lucky and so blessed.  I hope you all have a wonderfully, amazing Christmas.  We’ll keep you posted on how things are going after our next appointment!

Leaving you with our favorite Christmas song right now…