It’s January, once again.
Five years ago on January 27th, our first daughter, Callie was born. And five years ago on January 28th, she died.
Fast forward to the present and as you can probably see, things here on the blog have been pretty quiet. I assure you that my life has been anything but quiet. I never made it blog-official that…guess what? We are having another baby! A boy! (He is our third rainbow to be due in April- fun fact!) I also didn’t tell you that I took a break from teaching this year to stay home with the girls and focus on photography. I haven’t written here about any of our ups, downs, and in-betweens. In fact, I haven’t written (at least here) in 9 months!
Because by the grace of God, I’m busy.
The luckiest kind of busy there is. I’m a mom.
A mom to two healthy little girls and a little boy on the way.
But I’m also an angel’s mom. And sometimes I feel really badly that I haven’t sat down lately to use this space in the way that I originally intended- to share my love for her and to share her story so that it may impact others. Does Callie know that through all the busy, hustle-bustle, that she is still there? In my mind, in my heart, echoed in my actions? I hope so.
I also know that it’s ok. My writing is at its best when I’m feeling it, when my words are bursting out of my heart and have to be heard. And usually, that’s also when I’m feeling pain and heartbreak. So, it’s ok- it’s actually a good thing. My moments of pain and heartbreak are still there- just quicker, faster- and the next thing you know, someone needs a snack. (Doesn’t someone ALWAYS need a snack?!?) So it’s a good thing that I haven’t written in a while… it means my heart and arms are full.
The memories, the pain… it all bubbles up to the surface again. Just right there, quivering and shaking right below my skin, like an overfilled balloon, stretched to its breaking point. The slightest of things can poke holes in my fragile January shell and let the pain escape in jagged bursts that takes my breath away. The feeling leaves, and my balloon fills back up again, but inevitably something else happens and I pop all over again.
This is how January goes.
I wanted to write today for myself, to have a little relief from the build up. But I also wanted to ask a favor.
Every year, John and I wear yellow on Callie’s days -her birthday, Jan. 27th and her angel day, the 28th- and we always invite others who feel so moved to join in. We also like to do random acts of kindness during that time period too (Kindness for Callie) and we love hearing from other people about the nice things you do for others. It means the world to know that her little life can impact the world in such a meaningful way.
But this year, I thought that maybe we could move it up just a little bit.
Zero percent of me would like to engage in a political discussion, but I do think that we can ALL agree that no matter what you believe in or who you stand behind, that this last election was pretty ugly. I really can’t think of many aspects of it that showed off the BEST parts of our country.
So let’s make up for that now.
On our nation’s Inauguration Day- January 20th-, I’d love it if you would join me in doing some random acts of kindness (and wearing LOTS of yellow!!) to show the kind of love that our country is really all about. I can’t think of a better way to kick off a new presidential term than to spread love, kindness, and smiles. For one day, it would be really awesome to not see a nation divided- red and blue. How about a country, joined together….in yellow!
My sweet friend and I will be delivering the signature smiley cookies (pictured above) that I give to all of my photography clients to a local women’s shelter on the 20th.
What will you do?
Feel free to spread the word. 🙂